#35 Normal is never what I was really aiming for.

And not just because normal is boring, or not 'cool' or whatever.
I'd say that my 'normal' outlook on life is pretty damn dark.

Some people look at the dark and are afraid, I look at darkness, and I feel indifference.

I guess people would say that a dark outlook on life is wierd. I mean, I look at things with a rather squed perspective anyway, much influenced due to reading such things as 'Ghost World' (excellent film/graphic novel btw, well worth watching/reading. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I picked up Ghost World at the library when I was little more than 8, so that could explain a few things) and tv shows like 'Invader Zim'. I mean, I find myself attracted to the darker things in life. But dark isn't always bad, Edward Scissorhands is dark, but it's also enchanting and moving.

If the colour of our souls reflected our natures, I'd say mine would be pretty damn grey.

Taking into account the behaviourist approach to behaviour and beliefs, it would be said that I've learnt this behaviour and belief system from my enviroment, so in fact. I've learnt this from the society I disdain so much.

But...

One particular bone I have to pick with (western)society is that it encourages us all to be individuals, but we already know how that goes, when everyone's special, no-one is. But then it also expects us to be not so much of an individual that it interferes with anything.
So...

• Be an individual, be as much you as you possibly can
• But fit in as well
  

What?! So along with the pressure of attempting to stand out from the crowd, you'll have to do that at a level that isn't offensive to anyone else, and on top of that, you have to do it while fitting it! Now that just seems pretty ridiculous to me.

Some people argue that we all want to 'fit in', I don't agree, I'd say instead that we all want to belong, and belonging and fitting in are two vastly different things. It would seem though, that some people have a hard time of belonging. Maybe they should form their own communities, but then again, I don't think a society of society hating people would work that much.

So I guess my Utopian vision of society would be the kind of sprawling industrial/metropolis with undertones of a 1984-esque government, in which everyone is either plainly aware of the failings of society, or so lost in the turning the decaying gears of said society that they don't even notice. The buildings would all look rather greywashed, and gothic. So really more of a dystopia than anything else. I guess what I'm grasping at is somewhere between city17 and Equilibruim. But then again, I can't really see myself doing other than what I'm doing now, except people would see what I'm getting at. (also, I'd be part of the anarchist underground movement that overthrows the corrupt totalitarist government, just cause I'm cool like that)

The feeling that you just don't belong in society ebbs away at me quite a lot sometimes. I openly mock those who assert to continue along the meaningless existence that is provided to them by the current social order in place, not because I am jealous, for that seems rather a hypocritical thing to do, being envious of a place in a humanity that I just plain despise?

The thing is, I know exactly what I'm trying to say, but I don't know if you will.
And if you don't, if you think that what I'm saying is utter rubbish, well then, you're excersizing your right to have an opinion, an essential part of your individuality.
But remember, don't take having an individual opinion too far, 'cause you've got to fit in too ;]

Keep safe out there, It's a crazy world.